iFlat Earth

Are we throwing ourselves blindly into a yawning flat paradigm with the Apple iPhone?

Let us consider a world without pressing your (or someone else’s) buttons…

An early (failed) attempt at a flat-phone device.
An early (failed) attempt at a flat-phone device.

First of all, try kissing a glossy photograph of Bradgelina’s lips (Brad or Angelina, or both, depending on your persuasion).

Next, try some real lips – you might want to get their permission first (or failing the availability of lips try ripping the skin off a grape and let it glide over yours – this is colder and wetter but usually more hygienic).

Notice any difference?

Did the glossy flat lips press your buttons?

If it did, congratulations, you’ve passed the iPhone drivers test.

But if you preferred the real lips (or a naked grape) then congratulations, you’re not a figment of your imagination and probably enjoy waking up and smelling the roses (or in my case, the coffee).

Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I quite like to press buttons, flick switches and push sliders.

For example, my cellphone has a simple sound off/on physical switch – I don’t even have to look at my phone to use it – I can just reach into my pocket and fumble around a bit and there you go – silent mode.

And those crazy teenage TXTers – they don’t look at their phones either – their hands just flutter around like a scratchmasters 160bpm wubble rewind loop.

How will they cope with a mutli-touch flat screen? Fine, just fine say Apple of thyne eye…

Yes, sure – we’ll quickly adapt – but at what cost?

Pity the poor children in 2020 who spend their lives waving their hands at a shiny cold mirror just so they can eat, communicate and climb a Wii tree.

You know, the physical bumpy textured world does have some distinct advantages – should we really be giving this all away in exchange for animated kinetic virtual sliders?

Although the next decade it may well be cool to be flat – my bold prediction is that unflat will be back!

That’s why I believe the iPhone is simply a trendy temporary patch-up job – a social experiment until the shape-changer nano whizz-kids engineer us truly customisable and adaptable user interfaces with bumps and stuff.

…now, that would really press my buttons!